Week 4 Recap

Hello Big Orange Nation and welcome to Week 5 of Sgt. Scooter's College Football Report. It's an off week for the Vols and they are still a three point home dog on Saturday, so that should tell you something about our year so far...

Let's get to the week that was!

Arkansas State 27 - Tennessee 48

The Vols erased last week's bitter memory of a loss to Florida by beating the Indians in Knoxville. The Vols are looking to take full advantage of the off week. “The open date fell at a very good time for us,” head coach Philip Fulmer said. “With the big games we've had to play, one on one coast and one on the other, it gives us a chance to get caught up a little bit from a rest standpoint. Our team work today was dedicated to Georgia, offensively and defensively,” Fulmer said.


The Georgia game is scheduled for a 3:30 p.m. kickoff and will air nationally on CBS. Kickoff times and television selections for Tennessee’s remaining six SEC games have yet to be determined by the conference office.


Weekend observations

"Genius" Danielson was at it again this weekend. In addition to crying since he had to do a game that didn't include Florida, he came up with a gem in the second quarter. When LSU's QB Matt Flynn scrambled and had to slide down, he quipped proudly, "Can I get a Touchdown? No. Can I get a 1st Down? No. Then I better just get down..." I felt like Hans from Die Hard. "That's brilliant. You come up with that one all on your own?"


When LSU tried a conservative 3rd down play just before a fake field goal, the Mensa candidate uttered, "Well, I just don't understand that call." Good to see he is finally admitting that he doesn't understand any call. Of course, when LSU's Colt David, who runs like Colt Seivers from The Fall Guy, scored a TD off the fake field goal, Dainelson covered nicely by saying, "Oh, I get it now..." I'm sure Verne Lundquist must have said under his breath, "That will be the only time that happens this year...


Is Les Miles the new Spurrier? I have received a lot of emails from fans all over the SEC mentioning that he is a jerk. Did you see him grinning and jumping up and down with his coaches and players after the fake FG worked? I am all for celebration after a score, but Bryant, Dooley and Neyland would never jump up and down like that. Just something to think about as the season goes on and we see more of Mr. Miles.




One final note about the LSU game, the LSU Golden Girls get my vote for the most fetching little minxes of the SEC. Your thoughts?












Did anyone see Pam Ward during the USF-North Carolina game? Did it look like she had a dog on her head? I thought sure she had stolen my Cousin Howie's toupee. I will say that I am liking the South Florida fans. Those Bull Helmets with the horns sticking out are cool! I want to be an honorary Bulls fan! At least they can beat Auburn, right? ;)



Paul Manure (Maguire) was at it again up at Michigan. He remarked about how tired the lineman must have been during the second half of the Michigan victory over Penn State. He should have mentioned that he usually gets that tired going back and forth to the press room buffet every Saturday. If Manure wanted to make some real money, he could sit in the sun and make a million bucks selling shade.



Why do fans still wave their arms at a field goal kicker in hopes of distracting him? I saw the Florida fans doing it at the Ole Miss game (And it is not just the Gators fans, ALL fans of every school do it). They were tucked away in a small corner of Vaught-Hemingway Stadium waving their arms on a FG try by the Rebs. I am sure the Rebs kicker stopped what he was doing and told the holder, "Wait a sec, there are some people in section 4 that are waving at me about something. Gee, they are really messing up my concentration. They must be a good 50 yards away from the line of scrimmage, but I can see them." As Flick said in A Chirstmas Story, "That's just dumb..."


Sarge's Observations

If I was the king of the NCAA, here is the top then things I would change:

10. All fields must be natural. No artificial turf, which is slowly being phased out in a lot of schools. I would also get rid of the new hybrid turf made out of discarded tires. I miss those November games when the players have wet grass stains, and mud that covers their jersey numbers. We have become too clean to play football, and that is a concept that should NEVER be taken into consideration.

9. All games begin at 1:00pm. I know TV has come in and bullied each school to play by their rules so they can have their precious programming. However, the conferences should just say, "To hell with you, we won't give you the rights unless it's on our terms," then we would see who holds the cards. However, there should be an LSU exemption, since they have been playing games at night before the TV crunch. In fact, when I'm elected King, LSU will play all their home games at night just to honor tradition.

8. Teams can wear any jersey they want. I miss the old pictures of seeing the Vols in orange playing Alabama in the crimson. Johnny Majors even said the colors clashing on a sunny afternoon were breathtaking. I know you can't do white vs. white since one team would have to wear dark jerseys, but I think that would give a little color to the game.

7. Freshman are ineligible. This would make recruiting a less of a headache, since you would have a year for the marginal players to make grades, and it would give all the 18-year-olds time to get stronger and get acclimated to college life.

6. 4 bowl games only. You want to reward a team for going 7-5? How about rewarding them to a spot in the weight room, or spend the Christmas break watching film? Since I am old school, the four bowls would be: Rose, Cotton, Sugar and Orange. The winners of the four games would meet in a semi-final playoff, then have the national championship game the Saturday before the Super Bowl. I know all the old farts sipping that Hater-rade scoff at the idea of a playoff, but if there is one thing about college football we all hate, it's the BCS. Why is college football the only sport in the history of the world that doesn't settle its season on the field?

5. Get rid of the eye black patches. I see the crap players put under their eyes. It used to be black grease, which is traditional and is therefore accepted. Then they came out with those stupid stick on patches, and now, the schools logo is on the patch. The purpose of eye black was to reduce the glare so a player can see better. Now, these so called warriors of the college gridiron look like they just got back from a Lisa Left Eye Lopez Memorial concert. If you want to make a fashion statement, watch the Style Channel. If you want to be a football player, look at Tom Brady, who wears the old school eye black grease smeared under his eyes.

4. Get some real uniforms! The crap Oregon wears is hideous. Cal's baby pee yellow is awful and the road map inspired Miami unis with the stripes going from the Orange Bowl to Jacksonville are an eye sore. Coach B says he will never watch a Pac-10 game because the uniforms keep blowing out the color tubes in his TV. What about the helmets? Don't pull a Virginia and have two stripes getting lost on the way to the back bottom of the helmet. And the stripes on North Carolina's pants just stop and go nowhere. Did they have Jethro working the stripe machine the day they put the stripes on the pants? (Pictures withheld on a count of not wanting to short out anyone's color tube in their computer monitor)

3. No more games on days other than Saturday. Saturday is the holy day, and thou shall not hold a religious service like a college football game on any other day. Thursday is for setting up your tailgate spot. Friday is for the high schools. Sunday is for the pros. Any questions?

2. All girls that go to LSU, Clemson and Auburn games and wear those hot Tiger ears on top of their head get a free pass for life to every college football game. (I wonder if that one comes from my Josie and the Pussycats Fantasy I have had ever since I was a kid?)

1. I would mandate that "The King" Ron Franklin would get his pick of games to announce, no matter what network covered the game. Mike Gottfried would be the analyst. Jill Arrington would be the sideline reporter. Nobody else. End of discussion.













Whew, now that was a list! If you have some rules you would like to see, send them to me at volsdiary@yahoo.com and I will post them on Friday.

All right Vol fans, take a deep breath and savor the off week because we have a lot of work ahead of us! I'll check back in with you on Friday, so until then, rub those orange and white rosary beads, repeat your game maxims, and never take Coach Fulmer's name in vain. Go Big Orange!