This Week in Big Orange Country

The Sarge had to be admitted to Northside Hospital here in Atlanta last week for what doctors are calling, “A mild heart arrhythmia caused by last second special teams play.” I’ll tell ya, I died about 62 million times last Saturday, especially since I had to listen to the game on the internet because it was not on TV. I talked to Coach B, who was at the game, and he said he about fainted. He was then put on the Neyland Stadium EMT “watch list.”

And with that, the last of the three teams the Vols had to beat stands in the road to Atlanta: Kentucky. The once abandoned dream on winning the SEC East is now within the Vols grasp, but the final test will be the toughest. Tune in on Saturday at 1:30pm on CBS as Craig Bolerjack and Steve Beurelein will be handling the announcing duties.

The Vols have already one intangible on their side because “The Genius” Gary Danielson will not be in Lexington with his diarrhea of the mouth analysis. Last week when they were at the LSU-Ole Miss game, they took time to talk about, what else, Tim Tebow and how he should win the Heisman. But since he’s Danielson’s buddy, they have to talk about him for half of every game.

I can imagine a conversation Danielson has with his wife? (I sure feel sorry for that poor woman) “You know honey, I am sure Tim Tebow would cut the crusts off my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if I asked him.” Or, “Darling, can you start using some Downey on my shirts? I am sure Tim Tebow would if he did my laundry…”




From College Football News.com:

What will happen: Tennessee has answered every challenge and come through with every clutch play over the last month to be in a position to play for the SEC title. Kentucky will change all that by breaking the long series losing streak with a huge day from Woodson.

CFN Prediction: Kentucky 31 – Tennessee 27

Between CFN and the rest of the media, I think it would be good for the Vols not to even attempt to travel up to Lexington since it would be a waste of time. I have never seen such a lack of respect for a team that is playing for the division championship. Granted, Georgia is hot now, but people have short memories and seem to forget you win a championship based on what you do for the ENTIRE year, not just November.

Coach Fulmer’s Weekly Comments

“We were pleased to get the win last week over Vanderbilt. Much like Vanderbilt, this is always a tough game. You’ve got the great history, great players and great games that have been played; you’ve got a border-state rivalry. There is a lot riding on the game for both teams.

“Kentucky is a very fine football team. When you look at their skill level on offense, it’s exceptional. (Andre) Woodson is a very fine quarterback. They have done a tremendous job coaching and developing him. He had an outstanding year last year and this year as well.

“They are a solid, good defensive team. Much like us, they’ve had their moments where they played really well and their moments when they haven’t played as well as Coach Brooks would’ve liked them to. They have an excellent kicking game all the way around, and they are very well coached.

“We need to play well in this ballgame, play at a very high level to get a win over Kentucky. We will have to play well as a team and play smart. That means protecting the football, limiting their big plays, playing well in the kicking game and playing well fundamentally.”


Announcer Review

"Nice call by Offensive Coordinator Bryan Springsteen there." - Bill Curry referencing Virginia Tech’s Bryan Stienspring.

I didn’t know The Boss was coaching at Virginia Tech…

"It reminds of how rappers would peddle their demos to artists...to some sort of publishing company."- Desmond Howard on Kansas QB Todd Reesing making a highlight tape to get a scholarship.

Gee, go bust a cap, Snoop Dog…

"If he would have slowed down and put his butt to Jackson."- Gary Danielson

(In my best Walk the Line movie reference) We’re goin’ the Jackson, and we’re gonna mess around. We’re goin’ to Jackson, ‘cause Danielson is such a clown…”

"Let’s see if I can get this one right Pam."- Ray Bentley

"That will be a first."- Pam Ward

If I was Ray Bentley, I would have smacked Pam Ward in the face so hard, she would have been attractive.

"BOOM!"- Kirk Herbstreit (Not for the phrase itself, but that he said it every other play)

Was Herbstriet doing his Rainman imitation? “Yeah, they defiantly need a first down here. Yeah, a first down. They need 10 yards for a first down. Yeah, definitely, definitely a first down…”

"The conditions are the virus affecting the computer that Jim Tressel puts in about taking care of the football." - Kirk Herbstreit

The game must have been at Adams college because I swore the crowd was pointing at Herbstreit and chanting, “Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!” at Herbstreit.

"Gary Walker's passing is the reason Fitzgerald became Northwestern's head coach."- Erin Andrews

Um, Erin, his name is Randy Walker…

"Saying Mike Leach has an offensive coordinator is like saying, I don't know, Rachael Ray has a private chef." - Brad Nessler

And saying that Paul Manure is an analyst is like saying, I don’t know, ABC was desperate to fill the position.

“Ahh, rivals, they spend a lot of time painting themselves up and undressing"- Brent Musburger

Sounds like a night in the French Quarter during Mardi Gras…

This week’s games of note:

Miami @ Boston College (ESPN, 12:00) - Pam Ward, Ray Bentley, Rob Simmelkjaer

On second thought, if I were Ray Bentley, I would not want to make contact with Pam’s face for fear the ugly virus would consume me. I would rather watch highlights of Porter Waggoner’s funeral that see Pam Ward’s face on my TV.







Virginia Tech @ Virginia (ESPN2, 12:00) - Dave Pasch, Andre Ware, Erin Andrews

This week, do you think Erin Andrews will refer to the Hokies head coach as Fred Beamer?

Georgia @ Georgia Tech (ABC/ESPN, 3:30) - Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire, Bonnie Bernstein

I hear Paul Manure was going to be on the World’s Biggest Loser, since he wants to lose weight. I can already tell you he would win that show since he really is the World’s Biggest Loser.





Florida State @ Florida (CBS, 5:00) - Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, Tracy Wolfson

Why is this game on the big stage instead of the Tennessee-Kentucky game? Isn’t that game more critical to the outcome of the SCE Championship? I’m sure “The Genius” pouted to CBS so they would make that the headline game. If the Vols make it to Atlanta, I am going to go down to the Georgia Dome and wait for him, tickets or not, so I can throw a week’s worth of my daughter’s dirty diapers at that fool because he really is a turd.

Washington State @ Washington (FSN, 7:00) - Barry Tompkins, Petros Papadakis, Jim Watson

“The Fossil” Barry Tompkins arrived in Seattle this week and was regaling his boy Petros with a story about the day he was there when the Dead Sea began to get sick…






Alabama @ Auburn (ESPN, 8:00) - Mike Patrick, Todd Blackledge, Holly Rowe

Watching Bama lose last week made me about as sad as the time Pinky Tuscadero got caught in the Malachi Crunch during the Milwaukee Demolition Derby on Happy Days. Well, not really, but that was good for a laugh or two…



All right, Vol fans, this is the game we have all been waiting for. This Saturday at 1:30, we will see if the Vols are good enough to represent the SEC’s Eastern Division in the SEC Championship game. Until them, rub those orange and white rosary beads, repeat your game maxims, and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. Go Big Orange!