Last Saturday/This Saturday

I don’t know about you guys, but the ol’ Sarge needed a little time to recover from last weekend’s heart attack waiting to happen game against South Carolina which the Vols won in OT 27-24. The Vols lost that game 62 times and somehow still came out the winner, which put them in control of their own destiny in the SEC East. Win their final three conference games, and the Vols will be in Atlanta to play for the SEC Championship. However, any number of other teams can still make it, namely, Georgia, who hasn’t given up just yet and has a great chance to slide by the Vols and get to Atlanta so this is a week to week situation where anything can happen.

I had a few yucks from General Sweetie when we were watching College Gameday last Saturday. Gameday was in State College for the Penn State-Ohio State game, and they showed an interview with Joe Pa. General Sweetie, in between bites of her Chic-Fil-A chicken biscuit, looked at the TV and quipped, “Joe Paterno? Geeze, turn off the oxygen will ya?” Then they showed the crowd, to which the General said looked like a Darwin Awards family reunion, then commented, “What do those damn Yankees know about tailgating? Any fool knows football is better in the south.” Damn, that’s a good woman right there…

Speaking of Gameday, what did you think about Fowler taking pot shots at the Vols? He giggled, “Just so you know, Vol players, the NFL combine is this date, and the draft is this date,” and of course, his cohorts at the desk with him, Heckle and Jeckle, laughed right along. Then Kirk Herbstreit, who can be a turd sometimes, said confidently, “Well, if LSU wins the rest of their games, they will play Florida in the SEC Championship.” Um, Kirk, does that mean Florida is already in it? Last time I looked, they are going to have to climb over about 39 other teams to get there. Next time, if you have a personal opinion, then voice it that way. Until then, keep your smart ass mouth shut unless you know what you are talking about.

One last nugget from Gameday. I missed the beginning interview of an Ohio State player, so I pressed the rewind button on our DVR. I went too far and had to watch again the opening with Big and Stupid. Take my word, these guys will go the same way as Flock of Seagulls, Quarterflash and Men without Hats. Maybe they can change their name to Men without Talent, since that would be a better name for their band. As my good friend, Bulldog Bry, always says, “We’re comin’ and where sh***y…”

Bulldog Bry sent me a funny story from a Georgia fan and his adventures in Jacksonville last weekend. Here is the story, you will definitely get a tee-hee out of it!
http://www.dawgbone.net/misc8.html

The General and I went to the Georgia Tech game last night and needless to say, she enjoyed “Mommy’s Apple Juice” much more than the game itself. The highlight was sitting next to two guys from Atlanta who were wearing Virginia Tech apparel, not because they liked the Jokies, but they just wanted to give everyone the red ass. Ya gotta love hanging out with dudes like that. Kevin, who is the spitting image of Vince Vaughn, walks up to the seats next to us and says, “Hey, who wants and orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips. The Sarge went into a huge tee-hee, while the General said, “I don’t know what that means, but I do know I want some more wine…” I knew they were going to be trouble and fun at the same time because anyone who can recite lines from the Blues Brothers is OK in my book.

Do you think they could have done a little better job getting Sean Glennon’s backup jersey ready? It reminded me of one of those days in the Atlanta Softball League where they make you all have the same jersey, and you are one jersey short since someone couldn’t make it because they were having their cods clipped, or something similar. So you would go out to the trunk of your car, find a jersey of the same color and then get the magic marker and draw in a name and number. If I were the refs, I would have invoked the same jersey only rule and ejected him from the game. For Georgia Tech’s sake, that would be the only way they could have kept up with the Jokies last night.

Coach Fulmer's Comments

The Tennessee football team worked out for a little more than two hours on Wednesday afternoon at Haslam Field, focusing primarily on team drills in preparation for Saturday’s Homecoming game against Louisiana-Lafayette.

After practice, Fulmer told the media that the team was preparing for this game just like any other.

“We've worked hard in our preparation in regards to this week’s opponent, Louisiana-Lafayette,” Fulmer said. “They certainly present some challenges with their different style of execution both offensively and defensively, and they have a good quarterback. However, at every opportunity we have worked on our fundamentals also to keep us sharp in those areas. After this game, we have three straight SEC games, and we need to be prepared in all phases every time we step on the field.”

Fulmer announced that defensive tackle Demonte Bolden and running back LaMarcus Coker will serve a one-game suspension Saturday against Louisiana-Lafayette for a violation of team rules. Both Bolden and Coker will continue to practice with the team as members of the scout squad.

The Vols will continue practice on Thursday and Friday before the 4 p.m. contest on Saturday against the Ragin’ Cajuns.

Announcer review

Another week, another series of yucks. Of course, my good pals “The Genius” Danielson and Paul Manure (Maguire) are mentioned below, as they are every week. Here is the worst from last week’s announcer babble:

"They look like a contender for number one."- Brent Musburger on Ohio State

Well, if they keep playing this well, they have a shot to move from #1 to #1 before the season is over, Brent…

"You cut yourself shaving, you bleed for a week" - Gary Danielson

I think I am going to send Danielson a case of razors for Christmas and hope for the best.

"This is just a reminder, but there really isn't a yellow line on the field at the first down marker."- Dave Lamont

Not unless you drink a bottle of Old Grand Dad with my Aunt Molly before the game. I know you'll see all sorts of lines in every color on the field.

"He's seeing double right now. Just like Maguire on Thursday night." - Brad Nessler

To quote our pal Dean Wormer from Animal House, “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Manure…”

"Tom Arnold from Ottumwa, Iowa -- his movie career turned about as successful as Robert Gallery's pro career." - Dave Pasch

But a lot more successful than Dave Pasch’s career.

Corso: "I've got Boston College in at #5 because I had to get someone from the Big East in my Top 5."
Fowler: "You know they're in the ACC?"
Corso: "They are from the East Coast. They should be in the Big East."

Yeah, and you should be slapped.

....."and when you throw to him and he runs into the official and BOOM...(pause)...goes the dynamite."- Verne Lundquist

Was Verne listening to his P.O.D. CD’s before the game? BOOM, here comes the BOOM…how do you like Verne now?

"Can you get it up every week. . . consistently?"- Craig James

The Jack Ass, um, the Pony, Craig James must have been watching Spanktra-vision in the hotel the night before the game.

This week’s games

Iowa @ Northwestern (ESPN2, 12:00) - Pam Ward, Ray Bentley, Rob Simmelkjaer

Pam Ward is so ugly, when she went to the top of the Empire State Building, planes started to attack her.

Michigan @ Michigan State (ABC/ESPN, 3:30) - Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire, Bonnie Bernstein

Paul Manure will be in East Lansing for the game. We better call the physics school and tell them not to worry. The shock they will feel is Manure walking around campus since he has his own gravitational pull.

LSU @ Alabama (CBS, 5:00)- Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, Tracy Wolfson

I have to commend Danielson for having the guts to show up to cover LSU’s game since he pretty much bashed them in their win over Florida back in October. Danielson doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. The again, he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of other words either…

Arizona State @ Oregon (ESPN, 6:40) - Mike Patrick, Todd Blackledge, Holly Rowe

Does Holly Rowe look like the Oregon Duck mascot? You decide.

Washington State @ California (FSN, 10:00) - Barry Tompkins, Petros Papadakis, Jim Watson

Petros was talking to Tompkins before last week’s game about flying in for the game. It reminded Tompkins of a story about the time he joined the "Mile High Club" on a flight out of Kitty Hawk when the Wright Brothers were the pilots.

Well, Vol fans, take a deep breath because win or lose, the Vols will still be playing for the SEC East title starting on the 10th against Arkansas. Hopefully they will get in some good reps and play a complete game so they can have some momentum before the Hogs come to town. Until then, rub those orange and white rosary beads, repeat your game maxims and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. Go Big Orange!