Week 3 Recap

I mentioned last week if the Vols do not win this game, make your reservations for Shreveport. After seeing what happened at Florida Field on Saturday, you can start making your reservations for Shreveport, but the team might not be playing there, or anywhere for that matter, after November 24th.


Did any of you get sick of hearing about how great Tim Tebow is? Sure, he is a great quarterback, but Gary Dainelson, spoke non-stop about him all day long. More on that loss later in the Blog. Even ESPN did a feature on him and mixed in clips from the original Superman movie. On CBS, every commercial break they closed with him, then opened with footage of whatever he was doing. When they showed him with the T on his chest during warmups, that was the last straw. However, Superman looked like Stuipdman trying to tackle Eric Berry on the interception he took back for a TD.

*BLOG ALERT*

Tim Tebow just found Madeline McCann, Natalee Holloway, Amelia Earhart, Jimmy Hoffa and where I left my Hogan's Heroes lunchbox when I was in 3rd grade.

All right, let's get on with this week's report. By the way, if there are parts of this Blog that make you laugh, Tim Tebow wrote them....

I knew this was not going to be a good weekend when we went to dinner at the local Mexican restaurant on Friday night. I sat down and noticed the TV was showing a Spanish Soap Opera. It had the usual Telemundo script: bad guys in cowboy outfits, big chested blond Spanish women and a lot of bad acting. I asked our waitress, Lupe, if she could change the channel to ESPN, and she shook her head, "No, Senior, I no change da channel." Then the house musician, and I use that phrase VERY loosely, waddled over to our table and began strumming his guitar. I was suspicious since he looked a lot like former Atlanta Braves pitcher Juan Berenger, and when I asked him if he could play Rocky Top, he shook his head, "Only Macarena!" So he broke into the Macarena, and everyone in the place, except for me, began dancing. The real pain came when my wife made me pry out a couple of bucks for his tip. I wanted to give him a tip, and that was to start watching as many Carols Santana videos as he could find and leave me the hell alone.

I just found out, Tim Tebow is going to be appearing at all local Atlanta Mexican restaurants playing and singing every song every written.

Then comes Saturday. I have had some bad days in my life as a Tennessee fan, but this was about as bad as it got. Even on the Phillip Fulmer Show, the Coach said, "Now that's piss poor tackling." Whow there, big fella, this is supposed to be a family show... You knew it was not our day when CBS put up a graphic of Coach Chavis, and it was spelled Shavis... My partner in crime, Coach B, summed it up nicely when he said, "This is going to get bowling shoe ugly..."

And what was Kenny Chesney doing wearing a Florida helmet and singing with Tim Tebow? I feel like he pulled a Paulie from The Godfather on all us Vol fans. "Hey, Paulie sold out the old man. Get rid of that shtuts first thing." Where is Sonny and Clemenza when you need them?


E! News has just reported Tim Tebow's hit, "Drop kick me Jesus through the goalposts of life," has just made it to #1.


Announcer Review

Sgt. Scooter was eaten up with the red ass after listening to another brilliant installment of "The Genius" Gary Danielson getting his usual diarrhea of the mouth for four hours on Saturday afternoon. This boob has a thing for Florida, and if you listen to him closely (Although I wouldn't recommend it) he LOVES the Gators, especially Tim Tebow. When "Superman" threw an interception, Danielson talked over the classy Verne Lundquist (Who is in the Ron Franklin level of announcers) to say, "That's not his fault. The receiver should have come back and broken up the pass." Um, Tebow threw the pass, you Bozo Deluxe, it WAS his fault... Another insightful observation came after a flag was thrown. (Ronnie Milsap has more insights that this meathead). "Tennessee is really hoping that flag is on Florida." Don't worry about stating the obvious, Genius, the merely obvious will do. When CBS showed the Florida coaches box at halftime, Danielson remarked, "Oh, those guys are probably talking about where they are going for dinner." There were 30 minutes left in the game so that was a little early for that comment, don't you think? This week, I expect to see a commercial with Danielson in his backyard as his kids come home. He'll be there with Tim Tebow, showing him how to throw a pass, similar to the Manning commercial from Direct TV. Then again, I have seen Dainelson throw a pass and he sucks at that too.

This just in, Tim Tebow to start shooting Direct TV commercial with Gary Danielson. He will produce, direct, write, run the camera, be the gaffer and play all the parts as well.

I get a call from my Aunt Molly, who had put away the better half of a bottle of vodka, and in a rather saucy tone stated, "I am going to your site to change my vote to Dainelson as the biggest toolbag on tv."

Weekend Observations

Did you catch the ESPN game where Pitt was playing at Michigan State? I loved hearing a Pitt lineman walk over to the bench and yell, "Who's tired? I'm not (explicative) tired..." Where is that silly seven second delay where you need it? Either that, or Lou Holtz was asleep at the switch again.

ESPN News has confirmed Tim Tebow will run all seven second delay switches on all TV stations for the rest of eternity.

Speaking of Super Lou, did you catch his usual "on the mark" comment about the Alabama defense? "Alabama will never be weak on defense as long as Lou Saban is there." Rece Davis chimed in with a great Ty Webb remark, "Um, Nick...Lou..."

Good to see Paul Maguire at the Michigan-Notre Dame game. I was glad he was doing to game in the Big House since that is the only stadium he would be able to fit inside. Every time my Uncle Frank sees Maguire on TV, he will yell an obscenity and say, "I hate that Paul Manure..."



Tim Tebow just saved me money on my car insurance.

Coming later this week, what steps you can take to recover from an ugly Tennessee Vols football loss. Tim Tebow will be the guest blogger. Send your comments to: volsdiary@yahoo.com