Here is a post from my Fox Sports Blog for you to read until I get more postings on my Blog. Enjoy!
Coach Scooter presents his Christmas list! it includes Julianne Moore in a tight Waffle House waitress uniform, less Terrell Owens and much more Holly Rowe (right).
Since it is Christmas, I thought I would make my own list of presents I wanted to find under the tree on the 25th. I just hope Santa has relaxed that naughty policy I have heard about all my life. Well, let's start with:
Santa, could you give me more players like Reggie Bush, Vince Young and D.J. Shockley? And maybe less of those Nike created football uniforms Florida, Miami and Virginia Tech wore last year?
Could you get Mike Gottfried and Ron Franklin to do one more college football game together? These two were the Martin and Lewis, the Fred and Ginger, and peanut butter and jelly of the business. I promise to leave a few extra cookies if you could get Franklin to say, "He's got five, he's got ten," and "The line to make is the 27."
Santa, do you think you could get the guys at ESPN to stop producing movies like Codebreakers and The Junction Boys, and instead produce something different, like a movie about a crime fighting trio of Erin Andrews, Jill Arrington and Alex Flannigan known as ESPN's Angels? They would use their sideline reporting of college football games as a cover for their real job, which is to snuff out crimes. This week's episode could feature the blonde bombshells thwarting a plot by Shelley Smith to corner the pre-game production buffet before College Game Day.
Hey, Nick, could you make it so Terrell Owens has to work for a living like the rest of us? I mean real work, like being the shift manager at Dennys, or a supervisor at a Chrysler plant. I work my butt off for 33,000 a year, and this guy can't make it on over 40 million a year? You have to ask yourself what kind of society we live in where a guy gets all that money for playing a game while the real heroes like fireman, soldiers, policemen and teachers are grossly underpaid.
Just so you know I am not complaining, I will say thanks for Gary Thorne, Vin Scully and Mike Patrick
Speaking of Mike Patrick, I hate watching the ESPN Sunday night game since I have to listen to those two "Know It Alls" Joe Theisman and Paul McGuire. After five minutes of listening those pompous has beens, I get an urge to go out a scrape my face on the pavement. Oh, how I long for those lazy June afternoons watching the WNBA.
Hey, Nick, could you send me a little more John Facenda? Just as everyone else here, I grew up listening to him on those wonderful NFL Films and know we lost a great voice of the game. Could you imagine the first conversation Facenda had with God? I don't know if I could tell who was speaking since I always thought God was doing the voiceovers for NFL Films.
Santa Baby, have you heard the ESPN Monday morning NFL highlight package with the "I love, blah, blah, blah, and the twins?" Talk about getting the Monday morning red ass. Could you do me a favor and find whoever is responsible for that earache and send over Shelley Smith to eat at their house since she got locked out of the pre-production buffet?
Thanks for Field of Dreams, Miracle, Brian's Song, For Love of the Game, Caddyshack, The Bad News Bears (Original), Any Given Sunday, Hoosiers, Bull Durham, Rudy, Blue Chips, Major League, Everybody's All-American, Seabiscuit and Slapshot.
And could you please return: Necessary Roughness, The Slugger's Wife, The Bad News Bears Go to Japan, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, Wildcats, and Rollerball.
I know this is asking a lot, but could you arrange it so I could go to Waffle House on Christmas Morning and be served waffles from Julianne Moore in a tight waitress uniform? I know that's not sports related, but I figured since it was Christmas, one extra request wouldn't hurt.
Thanks for bringing back the NHL. Another winter with only the NBA to watch made me want to hold up in my condo, consume only Funions and Old Milwaukee Beer while listening to my Jethro Tull albums until the spring thaw.
Hey Santa, Coach B wanted me to ask if you could land your sleigh on top of the Sports Reporters. The show gives him a case of the red ass.
Can you teach Michael Irvin how to lie better?
Santa, what is up with Big and Rich? My Aunt Molly calls them Big and Stupid, and after watching ESPN's College Game Day all fall, I tend to agree. You wait and see, by next fall they will be opening up for Harvey the Diving Mule at the Daytona Horse Show.
Can we get Stuart Scott and John Madden in a room and teach them each other's lingo so they can understand each other on camera?
More Holly Rowe and less Jack Arute! Yeah, I know that's a tough trade, but there is something about that little minx that makes my heart beat faster. Maybe it's that Cinderella complex since she is on the same station as Erin Andrews, Jill Arrington and Alex Flannigan, but you have to figure she would be much more fun to hang out with. Give her a few shots of bourbon, a good cigar and the college football encyclopedia and that would be a night to remember, my brotha!
That's my list. What do you think?
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