This week in Big Orange Country

The Vols are at the first stop of a three game gauntlet on the road to Atlanta. First up and probably the toughest of the three, Arkansas, comes to Knoxville with Darren McFadden and an offense that racked up 14,897 yards of offense last week. Oh goody…


If the Vol defense doesn’t come to play, this game will turn into a bad re-creation of Raising Arizona with Darren McFadden running through the stadium, then all over campus as people are chasing him down the street. (Cue the yodeling music…)

Coach Fulmer’s Comments

“With the game last week being sandwiched between a big win versus South Carolina and this huge football game coming up with Arkansas, there was concern on my part—and I told the team so—about how they would handle the week. To their credit, they did an exceptionally good job of working and getting themselves prepared.

“You flip on the Arkansas-South Carolina film and it is unbelievably impressive from an Arkansas offensive standpoint. You watch how they totally manhandled a South Carolina defense that we thought was pretty good.

“Darren McFadden is easily one of top running backs in the country with all that he brings to the table. He is complemented—if that’s the right word, because there is not much difference between them—by Felix Jones and his ability as a running back. Four-hundred and eighty-seven yards rushing in one football game is incredible against a Southeastern Conference football team.

“We need a great crowd, and I know it will be. This is an exciting opportunity and challenge for our football team. I hope everybody will be early and be loud. We are 5-0 at home and we hope to continue that through this week. It should be a great football game.”

Vols-‘Doores kickoff announced

Tennessee’s Nov. 17 game against Vanderbilt at Neyland Stadium is being televised by VideoSeat on a pay-per-view basis across the state of Tennessee, both universities jointly announced Wednesday.

Kickoff at Neyland Stadium is scheduled for 2 p.m. Eastern time.

Announcer Review

Pam Ward wins the award this week. ESPN aired a moving tribute to former Northwestern coach Randy Walker, who passed away suddenly last summer from a heart attack. ESPN even interviewed Walker's widow. Then, they aired a video package about Northwestern's close games this year, to which Pam Ward starts referring to Northwestern as the "Cardiac Cats." To quote our buddy Bryce (John Cusak) from Sixteen Candles, “Real smooth, Cliff…”

“He kicked the ball between the splits.” – Gary Danielson

What the hell are the splits? Splits are for gymnastics, uprights are on a goal post. Once again, "The Genius" makes us all wonder what the hell he is talking about. If Jeff Spicoli was watching, he would say, “Those guys are fools!” (I cleaned up his original comment for the blog, but you know what he means) The best line of the night was when General Sweetie saw Danielson on TV, then said, “Oh, I didn’t recognize him without his jester hat…”




“I think LSU is going to have to outscore Alabama to win.” – Verne Lundquist

Verne, what if LSU doesn’t outscore Alabama? Can they still win? I apologize for Verne’s mistake though, since sitting next to “The Genius” week after week is sure to give someone diarrhea of the mouth.

Did you see “Super” Lou Holtz finally get a prediction right? Granted, it was his first one in his 346 years of college football, but he did call a kick return for a TD in the Akron-Ohio game. Rece Davis called him “The Amazing Kreskin,” then practically begged him not to try to say the name since he would flood the booth with saliva.

Former Notre Dame QB, and current meathead, Joe Theisman was trashing the new Monday Night Football format and announcers. “I don't like the new MNF. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm not there. I watch football games to learn and watch football. I see Ron Jaworski trying to do football. I see Mike Tirico trying to get back to football. I have no problem with Tony Kornheiser. He's just out of his element. He's a fish out of water.”

Joe, shut your cake hole. You got fired because you couldn’t analyze a fart out of your own butt. I have an idea, instead of spewing your sour grapes over being canned, why don’t you call Danielson and Manure and see if you can get admission to the washed up announcers club since you would be a perfect choice for admission.

This week’s games

Auburn @ Georgia (CBS, 3:30) - Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, Tracy Wolfson

“The Genius” is in Athens this week, so I might have to pack my family up and leave Atlanta since I don’t want them being that close to a registered dumb ass.

Illinois @ Ohio State (ABC/ESPN, 3:30) - Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire, Bonnie Bernstein
Last week during the Michigan-Michigan State game, the team of Paul Manure (Maguire), Bob Griese and Brad Nessler had an in-booth demonstration of how a "chip block" works. I’m sure Manure thought they meant there were chips in the booth, and he should block everyone else from getting to them. Here is Manure falling on a pool full of chips like he was trying to recover a fumble. What a pud...


Central Florida @ UAB (CSTV, 7:30) - Johnathan Coachman, Roland Williams

WWE’s Johnathan Coachman takes the mic this week. Don’t ask me why. Can you imagine what that broadcast is going to sound like? “Roland Williams, can you imagine the rush of adrenalin the female population of the world gets when they hear ‘The Coach’ on the air? I know ‘Gigolo’ George O’Leary is going to have the Knights ready, so UAB better get “The One Man Gang” Ronnie Garvin a uniform. Hey, Roland, you tell your wife I said hello, will ya brotha?” By the way, if you put a green warm up suit and hat on Coachman, he could go on the Gong Show as Gene Gene the Dancing Machine…

Florida @ South Carolina (ESPN, 7:45) - Mike Patrick, Todd Blackledge, Holly Rowe

Tim Tebow is still the front runner for the Heisman no matter how many games he loses because he’s a miracle worker. In addition to being named the greatest player ever in the history of any sport, he was able to get ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith to smile and get Lou Holtz to speak intelligently for around 30 seconds. As Luke Fuchs from Used Cars would say, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that’s a miracle…”

Washington @ Oregon State (FSN, 10:15) - Barry Tompkins, Petros Papadakis, Jim Watson

I heard "The Fossil" Barry Tompkins used to date Anna Nicole Smith. You know what that means…

Fresno State @ Hawaii (ESPN2, 11:00) - TBA [simulcast of Fresno State's local coverage]

Every time I see Fresno State, I think of two things. One, they have played on every night of the week at one time or the other in their history, and that should tell you what a dynasty they are building in Fresno. And the other is their coach Pat Hill, who looks like a cousin of the Super Mario Brothers. I loved it when he came out with his cute slogan, “Just shut up and hit somebody.” Hey Pat, why don’t you shut up and win a game?



Mailbag

Hi Sarge....pppph, Sarge...

Well, your Vols are going to do it to me again by beating Arkansas, Vandy and Kentucky. (Next word deleted by profanity check)

Bulldog Bry - Somewhere in the Doghouse

Bulldog Bry:

I appreciate your thoughts, and enjoyed your profanity laced tirade, but I do not think the Vols are a lock to do anything just yet. The UT defense gives up drives longer than the Orange Bowl halftime show, and since McFadden and Jones ran father than Forest Gump in last year's blow out loss, I would say Georgia has the best chance of making it if the Vols don't. However, watch out for Auburn, especially in Athens.

Sarge:

For today I have been in contact with the one we know as Coach Fulmer. I have reciprocated to him the support of the loyal Orange mass of fans. Yes, I wonder about our defensive coordinator, but I did not spoil the conversation with Coach Fulmer by bringing it up today. Just spoke of pride, and tenacity, and the backbone of Tennessee support...the fan. I feel uplifted and encouraged that we will take care of business against Arkansas.

Sincerely,

Paul "VOL" Gore
Guntersville, AL

That was great Paul! How have the Bama fans been? I have the C-130 transport warmed up at the base ready to fly in at a moment’s notice to rescue you, so shoot off an orange flare if you need to leave. I am sure since they lost to LSU last week, the Tide fans have been a little hard to locate. Your name was mentioned in this week’s video so check it out…

Hey Sgt. Scooter:

I wear my BOA shirt, camo pants, dog tags, and helmet every game. The past 2 games have been great. I believe we will win the East. What you think about LaMarcus Coker getting dismissed? I think it's ok. We have 3 more great running backs to take his place.
I'd like to give a shout out to you Sgt. Scooter for everything you have done never losing faith, and taking the time out to write your blogs. I enjoy reading and watching your blogs.

Go Vols and Go B.O.A.

Sincerely,

Private E-1.
Patrick Eaddy.
Over and Out.

Thanks, Patrick. I agree with Coach Fulmer that Cocker needed to go since he should not be playing football if he has a serious issue off the field that he needs to address. I appreciate your emails and am happy we have a chance at the end as a reward for fans like us who never gave up. Check out this week’s video, your name was mentioned as well…

If I would have told you in September the Vols would be in the driver’s seat in the SEC East in November, you would have locked me up and thrown away the key. I know it’s crazy, but this Saturday the Vols will take the first step towards proving the experts wrong. If Chavis can fix the defense, and Cutcliffe gets solid play from Erik Anige, the Vols will have a chance to win. If not, start making plans for Nashville since that is here ESPN has predicted we will play in December.

Until then, rub those orange and white rosary beads, repeat your game maxims and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. Go Big Orange!